“If You Take My Phone, I’ll Kill Myself”: A Parent’s Guide to Handling Crisis Threats from Children and Teens

Few experiences are more distressing for parents than hearing a child threaten suicide or self-harm, particularly during heated moments, such as when enforcing boundaries around phones, tablets, vapes, or other items.

At Futures In Mind, we understand how overwhelming and frightening these situations can be. It’s natural to wonder if your child “means it,” fear escalating the situation, or struggle between enforcing boundaries and protecting their well-being.

This guide aims to help you remain calm, respond effectively, and identify when professional support is necessary.

Understanding the Behaviour

Children and teenagers sometimes threaten self-harm or suicide during moments of intense emotional turmoil. Such threats aren't necessarily manipulative—they typically indicate an inability to cope effectively with overwhelming feelings.

In young people, emotional regulation skills are still developing. Extreme reactions to boundaries—like the removal of a phone or vape—often signify:

• Emotional overwhelm

• Reliance on the item as an emotional coping tool

• An underlying mental health struggle

• Difficulty separating temporary distress from permanent solutions

Important: Regardless of how the threat feels to you, always take it seriously. Even seemingly casual threats can reflect deep distress and risk.

How to Respond in the Moment

1. Stay Calm

Your child relies on your emotional steadiness during a crisis:

• Speak slowly and gently.

• Avoid shouting, sarcasm, or escalation.

2. Respond with Compassion and Clarity

Validate their feelings calmly:

• “I hear you; it sounds like you’re really upset right now.”

• “I’m here to help. Your safety is the most important thing.”

Delay discussing the original issue (phone, vape, etc.). Prioritise emotional connection and immediate safety.

3. Ask Directly About Safety

Contrary to myths, openly discussing suicide helps reduce risk:

• “Are you thinking about hurting yourself right now?”

• “Do you feel unsafe or like you might act on these feelings?”

Listen non-judgementally and reassure them of your presence and support.

4. Ensure Immediate Safety

If there's any immediate risk or uncertainty:

• Don’t leave your child alone.

• Remove dangerous items (medications, sharp objects).

• Stay in a safe, calm, and quiet environment.

Do Not Reinforce the Threat

While prioritising safety, avoid reversing boundaries under threat. Instead, reinforce safety and connection clearly:

• “Right now, your feelings matter more than the phone. We'll talk about that later. First, let's make sure you're okay.”

Be compassionate yet firm—your role is supportive, not negotiable.

After the Crisis: Next Steps

1. Seek Medical Advice Promptly

Even if your child seems fine afterward, arrange a medical consultation:

• Schedule an appointment with your GP to assess underlying issues.

• If immediate help is needed:

  • Contact CAREDOC at 0818 300 365.

  • Call 999 or visit A&E immediately in emergencies.

2. Talk Calmly Afterwards

When calm, gently explore the crisis with your child:

• “Can you help me understand how you were feeling at that moment?”

• “What kind of support do you feel you need now?”

Approach with empathy, avoiding blame or punishment. Your goal is mutual understanding, trust-building, and improved communication.

3. Contact Futures In Mind

For ongoing support, Futures In Mind can help your family by:

• Offering therapeutic guidance for your child.

• Supporting you to process the crisis and future-proof responses.

• Providing tools and strategies to handle future episodes effectively.

Reach out to us at (0818) 303061.

Red Flags: Know When Immediate Action Is Necessary

Take immediate action if your child:

• Has a clear plan for suicide.

• Has access to means of self-harm.

• Has attempted self-harm or suicide before.

• Becomes withdrawn, erratic, or unresponsive.

• Is too distressed for you to handle safely alone.

Call 999, visit A&E, or contact CAREDOC without delay.

Important Things to Avoid

• Never dismiss threats as “attention-seeking”: All attention-seeking is fundamentally a cry for help.

• Avoid punishment for expressions made in emotional distress. Instead, foster safer emotional communication skills.

• Never keep threats secret: Seeking professional help is not weakness—it safeguards your child.

Moving Forward: Building Healthy Coping Skills

After stabilising immediate safety, identify triggers or underlying issues that led to the crisis:

• Reflect if devices or vaping are coping mechanisms for anxiety, stress, or depression.

• Reevaluate family boundaries—consistency balanced with empathy is crucial.

• Support your child’s emotional regulation skills, potentially through therapy.

• Model calm, controlled responses to conflict.

• Work collaboratively with your GP and Futures In Mind to establish a family support plan.

Final Words

Hearing your child threaten self-harm or suicide is terrifying and heartbreaking. Feeling confused, helpless, or even angry is normal. However, help and hope exist.

Your calm, compassionate response provides a critical model for handling intense emotions. You’re not alone in this—Futures In Mind is here to support you every step of the way.

For further guidance or immediate support, contact your GP or reach out directly to us.

You and your child matter. We're here to help you navigate this challenge—together.